Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
Not $6,900 but $7,810. As I even typed those little electronic numbers and those letters to form the title of this update, a million thoughts and emotions race through my mind. Some of those thoughts include ones like “Well, I guess it’s really too late to back out now” or “I need to say thank you to so many people in such a short time” and the “I should probably give people their shirts soon” daunting task is mixed up in there somewhere, or simply the word “How?”, but we’ll get to that answer later in this blog post. In all honesty, the reoccurring theme in my head is how I am in awe of the continual provision and goodness of God.
When I first read that my fundraising goal was almost $7,000 I was a little nervous but I thought that it would be no problem. A lot of people have raised a lot more prior to my goal. But as fundraising began, I allowed my doubt, comparisons, fear and worries to weigh heavy. My pride slowed my, and sometimes even stopped me from, asking those around me for help.
I forgot that my obedience to the command to go, is no more vital than those who are staying’s command to send.
This led to a can-do, completely self dependent mindset. I worked full time and saved the majority of my paychecks to try to prove that I was serious about this calling to God, others and myself. When people would ask how fundraising was going I would say “Not bad! I have blank blank amount donated but I have a lot saved from working, just incase I don’t raise enough.” That doesn’t sound like the words of a child who believes she is loved enough by her Heavenly Father for Him to provide for her every need, does it?
My heart was not in the right place in working and saving money. I was not trusting in the timing of the Lord and began to set up a sorta safety net for myself just in case God didn’t come through (a small PSA, newsflash, side-note, spoiler alert: He always does).
But every time I would allow my anxious thoughts, aka lies from the enemy, to overrun my mind and I began to doubt my calling on this trip, He would send one of you. A message asking how to help, an anonymous donation from a cheerful giver, a member of the body of Christ giving me words of encouragement, a friend buying a care package full of thoughtful things for me to, somehow, fit into my backpack when I go, a squad member reaching out about they can partner in prayer as we all prepare together, someone posting the promises and truth of the Lord on social media, the reassurance that there are intentional prayers of brothers and sisters being lifted up over me and so many other ways God used you.
To circle back around to the question that I mentioned in the first paragraph of “How?”, I can only think of one word to sum it all up.
Faithfulness.
My faithfulness to quit trying to do it alone. Truly surrender, to REALLY trust in Him.
Your faithfulness to give. Give your words, finances, time, prayers and offer it to God to use on my behalf for His glory.
And ultimately, the finished, complete, omniscient, perfect, faithfulness of the Lord.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 reads, “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”
That is just as applicable to me in my struggle with fundraising as it is to you right now in whatever you’re going through. I do not know what you’re dealing with in your life, but I do know that the same God who commissioned $7,810 for a teenage girl who is sitting in her Eno typing this blog post, about to take His gospel to the nation of South Africa, is the God who is faithful in your life as well.
The God who provided clothing for Adam and Eve immediately after they disobeyed and sin entered the world. The same God in the cloud and the fire leading the Israelites in the wilderness after the escape from Egypt on dry land through the Red Sea. The same God who displayed His power through a young boy named Gideon’s simple obedience. The same God that closed the mouths of lions to protect Daniel through the night. The same God who called Peter to walk out onto the waves and lifted him from the seas, despite his wavering belief. The same God who carried His cross to calvary to bleed and to die for you and for me. The same God who defeated the grave and now reigns in victory as King forevermore. The same God who will one day come again and I will see face to face.
THAT is the God I am sure of. And I am sure of His faithfulness.
I am overwhelmed by it all. I cannot say thank you enough. Words cannot do justice to my feelings of gratitude. I have learned so much already. I am so thankful that God works in His timing, teaches me to practice patience like Himself and draws me closer in the waiting process. The Lord has exceeded my every expectation as I prepare to go and I am confident he will reveal more and more of Himself as I leave in only 27 days.
As always, all glory to Him. I pray His kingdom would come and His will be done.
