dryness

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)

 

Here in Africa I’ve experienced a lot of dryness so far. 

 

The heat is dry. And it’s hot. Like really hot. I’ve had lots of experience in the sun. We sit with the locals outside their homes going through scriptures and sharing our lives with one another. We sing, jive, play games and hear stories from the Word sitting in dust with the sun directly above us. Lots of sun. My skin lives to tell the tale on that one. You can tell I’m not used to this kind of exposure just by the second degree burns on my face, neck and arms. The redness, burning, sensitivity and peeling are all effects of spending hours in the direct harsh sunlight without taking the proper steps to protect my skin (sorry mom).

 

Our current home is dry. Literally. 

 

Saturday morning when i went to take a shower, i turned the knob and the water began  strong and consistent. Then after about 15 seconds, the water began to barely drip from the shower head mounted to the wall. I tried twisting and turning both of the handles, hoping if i kept repeating the same motions over and over again, something would change. No luck. So I did my best with what i had. 

 

I walked then to the sink to brush my teeth, and again, little drops. I used what was left in my water bottle to brush and thought maybe it was just a problem with our room. I didn’t think much of it. 

 

We just had a full day of ministry now it was Saturday! Rest day! Games! Just chilling! Chore day! Free time! 

And best of all LAUNDRY DAY!!!!!! 

 

But…

 

When i reached the main house a teammate broke the news to me. 

 

We are out of water.

 

What? Out of water? How are we just… out of water? It’s… water?

 

The home i guess is on tanks and i guess there was a leak in a pipe and the tanks i guess are empty and there’s lots of logistics i guess i don’t understand and now we’re out of water, i guess. 

 

(Also the power just went out as i was typing this so that’s a fun added bonus! #LoadShedding)

 

That means, and i quote “no showers until further notice”. That means we get a timed 60 second hair wash in the sinks once a day. That means the pool or a handful of baby wipes has served as showers for many of my teammates and the interns. That means you can’t flush the toilets… you know the rule… if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. Which makes the bathrooms.. yeah okay nevermind, next. That means that we can’t do laundry. THAT means i have yet to do laundry since i left home (13 days and counting as i type this). That means drinking water is from the tap and we can only fill our water bottles. 

 

Water is essential. It’s the foundation of all physical life. 

 

But living water. 

 

It’s the foundation of my spiritual life. 

 

And if I’m being honest, there’s dryness there too. 

 

Leaving training camp i was HYPED UP to set foot on South African soil and join with the work Jesus has already been doing here. I had worshiped in F R E E D O M with likeminded students who were also preparing to travel around the world with good news to share. I had seen miracles before my very eyes. I had learned so much information. There was a lot at training camp. So much goodness. 

(You can read about that all in my last blog titled expectant). 

 

And then travel days happened. And jet lag. And fatigue. And changes. And a new busy schedule. And living in community. And a new environment. And lots n lots of comparisons. And losing some of my most special possessions. And fear. And a lot of other little things that aren’t really all that important but the enemy uses for destruction and distraction. 

 

So yeah, I’m in a season of dryness. 

 

Even when i look into the eyes of the local and SEE Jesus stirring in their hearts through truth. Even when i shout “I am who God says i am!” at the top of my lungs with the little children dancing and singing with me, i don’t know if i really believe those words sometimes. Even when i am on my knees singing praises to my King Jesus, i haven’t had a moment of those Holy Spirit goosebumps. Even when i am rising early in the morning to seek out His face in His Word, i have not received a revelation through the words on the page. Even when i beg and plead to be immersed in the presence of my Father, i don’t always feel Him close. 

 

Yes, there is dryness even here. 

 

Just because I’m on an overseas mission trip, doesn’t mean everything in my walk with Jesus is perfect. 

 

And I’m learning that’s okay. 

 

Not because i am content in this waiting. Not because i am learning to just be okay with being disoriented. Not because i am just going to continue to fake being “on fire” for Jesus when this burning, desire is more like a dim, flame. Not at all.

 

But because Jesus is faithful. 

And because i will not stop searching. 

 

At training camp in one of our sessions i heard the words that were something like “the Lord will often whisper because you must draw close in intimacy to hear His voice at that volume”. 

 

I know my God hasn’t walked away. And i know He has not forsaken me. 

 

I will continue to seek, worship, pray, praise, bow, be obedient and not buy into the lies.

 

There will be a rainy season soon. Season are changing. Just like here in South Africa. Soon a promised flood of fulfillment, renewal of life and a fresh anointing of oil. 

 

I will wait. 

Because He is worth it. 

And His promises are never failing. 

 

“How long Lord, must i wait?”

“Nevermind, my daughter. Trust me.”